It's a 'No'

After praying yesterday, I decided to ask Mum if I could go for the Chiang Rai Trip before I sleep. Before I could even ask her, "Mum.. This December..", she replied, "No.." To be honest, my heart really sank. The dates were postponed which fell so nicely on my holidays. I could save up during my internship period for the trip. It's the last step! But, no.

Just today, on my way to visit Yeye with Mum, we met Chrystal's (a primary 5!) Mum and she asked if I will be going for the Chiang Rai Trip. Chrystal's Mum persuaded Mum to give me the permission to go and she seems a little shaken. In my heart, I was thanking God and praying that God will really change her mind. Yet, when we got on the bus, her reply to me was 'No' once again.

The whole journey to TPY from church, from TPY interchange to Yeye's medical centre, back to interchange and back home, I probably had less than 10 conversation lines with Mum. I just kept praying and reflecting why do I have to face all these whenever I go for mission trips. Is there something that I still don't learn? Perhaps. Frankly speaking, I really envy others where their parents readily encourages them to go on such trips. However, I am reminded that each family is special and that I shouldn't compare.

On my way home, I told the Lord, "It's okay. I shall give this a miss." I really do not know. But for now, I know I have to respect my Mum's decision and the reason behind her decision as well as to apologize to her for this afternoon.

I prayed, "God I know You are still in control." However, I knew my perspective changed this time round. It's not about surrendering and expecting that God will still bless me in the end. It is really about to first let go and trust God to know that He will lead me to the places He wants me to go, in His timing. Learning to wait upon the Lord.

A verse that encouraged me this morning while doing Quiet Time,
And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him. Hebrews 11:6